[分享] one poem

冰 · **發表於 :** 2007-03-01 23:14

請評評

[You]You is my life
l can't forget your love
Because you in me heart is important
You like important light in my life
Shining in my life

Give me some adivce
Give me some suggestion
Give me some happy time
Give me some live in the life meaning

So l can't go away
Because
l can't forget with your time
l can't forget your fascinating face
l can't forget you sound in my heart
l can't give meself only one suggestion
To forget your love
You like one part in my life
Because l love you

大猩猩王~ · **發表於 :** 2007-03-01 23:21

.......o的文法...........

it_123 · **註冊時間:** 2006-08-28 18:49 **文章:** 521

第一句就........................

avriljoseph · **發表於 :** 2007-03-02 00:19

proof reading plx

NL · **發表於 :** 2007-03-02 01:29

港式~英語

由頭笑到尾

山坑魚 · **發表於 :** 2007-03-02 01:37

Stop laughing!

graffititony · **發表於 :** 2007-03-02 10:12

努力～

亞澧 · **發表於 :** 2007-03-02 17:38

加油啦

chiu0123210 · **註冊時間:** 2006-10-28 21:57 **文章:** 148

同我個d差唔多^^

mang · **註冊時間:** 2004-10-18 01:32 **文章:** 198

Your dream love

引言回覆:

l can't give myself only one suggestion
To forget your love

I like the point of sentence, very heart!

Thanks for your sharing

erichylai · **發表於 :** 2007-03-20 06:00

I really like the idea you have. It's very difficult to put passionate ideas into words, and I thank you for bravely sharing such emotion. If more people open their hearts like you did, the world would be a better place. Don't let the negative feedbacks discourage you. Keep one writing.

健.. · **發表於 :** 2007-03-20 07:03

it_123 寫:

第一句就........................

哈哈...c兄唔講真係唔知....
第1句就有問題~

rickfong · **發表於 :** 2007-04-02 01:17

文章有感染力
但不要未學行,先學走吧

弄好文法先

或者我試下獻一下醜
嘗試改下第一段

原本
[You]You is my life
l can't forget your love
Because you in me heart is important
You like important light in my life
Shining in my life

now
you are my evertyhing
i can't forget you
because of your importance in my mind
you are the light
make my life bright

交流下la....改得差勿插...heee....

靈仔 · **註冊時間:** 2005-11-06 02:41 **文章:** 341

原本
[You]You is my life
l can't forget your love
Because you in me heart is important
You like important light in my life
Shining in my life
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
美國英文???
i is kent~ hello a you~

Man。果 · **註冊時間:** 2007-03-07 17:10 **文章:** 145

勇於嘗試係好事黎的~
冇咩人會有勇敢作英文詩的^^"

不過d文法有待改進...
仲有修辭方面....

水草情迷

[分享] one poem

誰在線上